A bud in bloom

You have to be yourself. Why does it take so long to figure that out? You spend your grade school years trying to be like someone else whether it be a friend or an authority. Even in my college years I didn't quite know who I was. In fact, I have just in recent years (I'd say, 6 or 7) decided that this is who I want to be. I am now what I always have been, only not out loud. Get it? The person I am now has been inside me all along but unable to show herself. A seed that didn't bud until I was ready. Looking back I can see it. Paulo Coelho said, "When I stopped being who I was, I found myself."

I had a little rebellion left over from my teenage years that I am now able to spend. My parents are the greatest. I tell myself, you could not have had better parents. But, like me now, they did the best they could. Let's face it,it's hard to make the right decisions with children when you haven't done it before. I mean, I was the first born, so they went through everything with me first. I didn't make it easy on them as Sandi can attest. I am not raising my child in the same manner that I was raised because I looked back on a few things and decided to do it a little differently.

I am now more confident with myself than I have ever been. I feel free-er. It's true what they say, Time Makes You Bolder. You see things differently and all sorts of things come into the light. You become a happier person by and far perhaps because you become wiser.

Also, I make a point of trying to stay healthy and at a normal weight to keep my self esteem at height. I took up bodybuilding which is marvelous for self esteem issues. I also dabble in tarot (and various other divinations), I laugh more, I read more (and about more diverse topics), I try to meditate several times a week if not daily, I don't get angry very much at all. I have learned to vent and move on. Sometimes I don't even need to vent, as meditation is a wonderful tool for quiet venting. I have changed my beliefs. I am no longer a member nor do I attend any church. I have learned the difference in religion and spirituality.

I take in all the knowledge I can get my hands and ears on. Knowledge is power. It will be there when you need it if you simply store it away in your mind. Over time it may take a little ginseng to get it going, but it's there nonetheless.

A quote I absolutely love:
"Your ability to listen will gain better results than your desire to talk." ~Unknown

and remember this: "Freedom is not the absence of commitment, but the ability to choose and commit yourself to what is best for you."