Need a giggle?

Instant Giggle.

Poking Kitty

Mmmmm Toasty Kitteh

Winter weather advisory solution:

Taking Weirdness to New Heights

More Cats...Help me! I can't stop!

I shall outwit you with my karate pose!
[insert myagi joke here]




WAX ON ~ WAX OFF

~ aS QUoted By MEG on CutEOverLoad

Pillow talk?

Cat Confused

This is so funny! Sorry I can't embed it! Blogger won't accept the code.

Confused Cat

Feltidermy

I found this on Cuteoverload.
Isn't this just hilarious? Feltidermy. Ha!

Math is Hard - Should it Remain So?

PHILADELPHIA — A few years ago, Dennis DeTurck, an award-winning professor of mathematics at the University of Pennsylvania, stood at an outdoor podium on campus and proclaimed, "Down with fractions!"

"Fractions have had their day, being useful for by-hand calculation," DeTurck said as part of a 60-second lecture series. "But in this digital age, they're as obsolete as Roman numerals are."

The speech started a firestorm, particularly after the university posted it online.
"There were blogs and rants, and there were some critical e-mails," said DeTurck, who is now dean of the college of arts and sciences at Penn. "They'd always boil down to: 'What would we do in cooking and carpentry?' "
DeTurck is stirring the pot again, this time in a book scheduled to be published this year. Not only does he favor the teaching of decimals over fractions to elementary school students, he's also taking on long division, the calculation of square roots and by-hand multiplication of long numbers.

Mathematicians are always questioning the axioms. Everybody knows that questioning those often results in the most substantial gains in terms of progress," he says.

Questioning the wisdom of teaching fractions to young students doesn't compute with people such as George Andrews, a professor of mathematics at Pennsylvania State University and president-elect of the American Mathematical Society. "All of this is absurd," Andrews said. "No wonder mathematical achievements in the country are so abysmal.

"Arithmetic is the basic skill. If children do not know arithmetic, they can't go on to algebra, which leads to calculus. From there you go on to other things," Andrews said. "It's fine to talk about it, but this is not a good pedagogy."
Others see value in both fractions and decimals. To Janine Remillard, associate professor of education at Penn, the decimal system is "incredibly powerful." And fractions can be a powerful steppingstone to understanding decimals, she says.
"Fractions, if taught well — and that's a huge caveat — can actually help kids understand the value of the size of the pieces," Remillard says.
DeTurck does not want to abolish the teaching of fractions and long division altogether. He believes fractions are important for high-level mathematics and scientific research. But it could be that the study of fractions should be delayed until it can be understood, perhaps after a student learns calculus, he said. Long division has its uses, too, but maybe it doesn't need to be taught as intensely.
Penn State mathematician Andrews says he believes DeTurck's ideas will "unfortunately" gain traction because of the misguided belief that math education can somehow be made easy:
"Math is hard. The idea that somehow we're going to make math just fun is just a dream."
From Yahoo and USA Today

Horatio W. Bottomley

(1860 - 1933) British journalist and financier. His name constantly cropped up in the courts in connection with bankruptcy writs and fraud charges. He was a very talented writer and orator.

An acquaintance found Bottomley in prison stitching mail bags."Ah, Bottomley," he said, "sewing?"

"No," Bottomley replied, "reaping."

Junius Brunus Booth

(1796 - 1852) U.S. actor, born in Britain, father of John Wilkes Booth. Regarded for his Shakespearean roles.

(Booth's profile was marred by a broken nose.)

"You're such a wonderful actor, Mr. Booth, " gushed a female admirer one day, "but to be perfectly frank with you, I can't get over your nose."

"There's no wonder, madam, " replied Booth. "The bridge is gone."

Maurice Barrymore

(1847-1905), English-born actor. Father of John, Lionel and Ethel Barrymore

Maurice Barrymore once took his young children to the zoo. While he was busy expounding on theh llamas, young John was fascinated by the large birds in the adjacent and very dirty aviary. He kept badgering his father to come and tell them about the pelicans, cormorants, and similar exotic creatures. "Please," persisted John, "What kind of birds are they?" Maurice peered at the cage and the festoons of bird droppings. "Presumably, " he said, "they are birds of passage."

Euphrasie Aubernon

(1825 - 1899), French salonniere and woman of letters

One of Mme Aubernon's guests was relating a conversation with his young son. "Papa," the child had asked, "when you and Maman went on your honeymoon in Italy, where was I?"

"What did you tell him?" asked Mme Aubernon eagerly.

"I thought for a moment, " replied the guest, "then I said, 'You went there with me and came back with your mother.'"

Whatever you do.....

Don't swallow your gum!!

More Anecdotes

Fred Allen (1894-1956), US comedian and radio star. He had a long-running mock feud with Jack Benny.
1. "If somebody caught him in the act of kindness he ducked behind a screen of cynicism. A friend was walking with him when a truck bore down on a newsboy in front of them. Allen dashed out and snatched the boy to safety, then snarled at him, "What's the matter, kid? Don't you want to grow up and have troubles?"

2. Spying a haggard, long-haired cellist in the orchestra pit of a vaudeville house in Toledo, Allen called out to him, "How much would you charge to haunt a house?"

Sir Lawrence Alma-Tadema (1836-1912), Dutch painter who adopted British nationality in 1873.
A friend of Alma-Tadema had just become the proud father of twins. The painter made his congratulatory visit immediately after concluding a rather excessive drinking bout. Though still a bit muzzy, he was prudent enough to exclaim, "What an enchanting baby!"

Francis Bacon, 1st Baron Verulam and Viscount St. Albans (1561-1626), English lawyer and experimental philosopher:
While lord chancellor, Bacon presided over a criminal appeal in which the plaintiff was a man called Hogg. Hogg facetiously pleaded that he should be let off on the grounds of his kinship with the judge. "For, "he claimed, "Hogg must be kin to Bacon."
"Not until it has been hung," was the chancellor's reply.

Anecdotes

John Abernethy (1764-1831), British physician, esprecially noted as surgeon and teacher:
A patient complaining of melancholy consulted Dr. Abernethy. After an examination the doctor pronounced, "You need amusement. Go and hear the comediam Grimaldi; he will make you laugh and that will be better for you than any drugs." Said the patient, "I am Grimaldi."

George Ade (1866-1944), U.S. humorist and playwright. His works include Fables in Slang (1899), The College Widow (1904) and Father and the Boys(1907):
Following a well received after-dinner speech by George Ade, a noted lawyer rose to speak. His hands buried deep in the pockets of his trousers, he began: "Doesn't it strike the company as a little unusual that a professional humorist should be funny?" Ade waited for the laughter to die down before replying: "Doesn't it strike the company as a little unusual that a laywer should have his hands in his own pockets?"

Windmill Birdhouse

This is a gourd. Isn't this the neatest thing? I thought it was pretty creative!

Light at the End of the Tunnel

Observations

Not my observations, but cute!

1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather- -who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."--Author Unknown
2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:"Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."--Author Unknown
3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that.It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."--Drew Carey
4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it'snot a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."--Jeff Foxworthy
5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly balland saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."--Dave Barry
6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, andwe should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriendwants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.There should be severance pay, the day before they leaveyou, they should have to find you a temp."--Bob Ettinger
7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"--Paula Poundstone
8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to theauthors of that study: "Duh."--Conan O'Brien
9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner."--Lynda Montgomery
10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch ofpeople in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crimeand the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.Let's go west.'"--Richard Jeni
11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."--Johnny Carson
12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."--Paul Rodriguez
13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida ,but they turned sixty and that's the law."--Jerry Seinfeld
14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that incase of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file linefrom smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"--Warren Hutcherson
15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."--Oscar Wilde
16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were amember of Congress.. But I repeat myself."--Mark Twain
17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.At least they can find Afghanistan ."--A. Whitney Brown
18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog,and the dog will give you a look that says,'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"--Dave Barry
19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.-- Unknown, presumed deceased
20) "Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer."--W. C. Fields

Attitude

Hows your attitude today?

I have learned that it doesn't matter what happens to you during your day, if your attitude is good and you don't let yourself be so edgy, it just rolls right off. It works for me.

Life's Truths

Men's brains vs. Women's brains

MUST SEE. This man is hilarious.

Car Talk Credits

I know everyone who listens to Car Talk has seen these, but sometimes when I need a laugh I look the list over again. Sometimes, they just come into my head anyway. I am also publishing this here for a quick reference for myself. BEWARE: THIS IS A LOOOOOOOOOONG POST.

Ladies and Gentlemen:

Car Talk's Recently Hired Staff
Russian-American Hesitation Specialist - Anita Putin Newkarb
Podcast Reviewer - - Kent Stan de Noyes
Windshield Wiper Replacement Team - - Ike and Zeke Leerly
Tom's Dating Coach - - Annie Von Vildo
Petty Cash Auditor - - Dave Reckoning
Head of Watersports Marketing - - Selma Kayak
Emergency Humor Hotline Operator - - Joe Klein
Roman History Buff - - Vinnie V. Divici
Political Consultant - - Paul C. Wonk
Toastmaster - - Cy Gazunt
Spiritual Counselors - - Zeke and Ewell Find
Chief Accountant - - Candace B. Rittenoff
Dyslexic Rock and Roll Music Critic - -Roland Rock
Brake Adjuster - -Schlomo Quigley
Route Planner - -Oliver D. Map
Pastery Chef - -Buck Le Vaugh
Appetizer Coordinator - - Barbara Ganush
**********************
Car Talk's Official Staff Credits
Accounts Payable Administrator - -Imelda Czechs
Aegean Caterer - -Sue Flockey
Accounts Payable Clerk, Moscow Office - -Dasha Chekhov
Accounts Rec. Supervisor/Mumbai Office - -Vishnu Payup
Adopted Son from Sweden - -Bjorn A. Payne Diaz
Airline Seat Tester - -Wilma Butfit
Air-Quality Monitor- - Carmine Dioxide
Air Traffic Controller- - Ulanda U. Lucky
Airline Reservation Manager - - Will Price Randomly
Alaskan Prenuptial Advisor - - Rush Inuit
Alignment Inspector - - Lou Segusi
Alternative Fuel Consultant - - Amanda Livering Cole
Anger Management Coach - - Kirsten Hollered
Anger Management Consultant - - Joanne Slowburner
Appalachian Chef - - Everett Possum
Appeals Specialist - - Bud Uronner
Appointment Secretary - - Stu Earley
Appointment Secretary II - - Amadeus O. Early
Arbitration Expert - - Viola Fuss
Art Critic- - Phyllis Steen
Art Critic (2) - - Dot Snice
Asphalt Contractor - - Luciano Pavearoadi
Assertiveness Training Coach - - Lois Steem
Assistant Customer Care Representive - - Kurt Reply
Asst. Dir. Computer Services - - Sy Burnett and Sy Quest
Assistant Director of Moral Support - - Hugo Gurll
Assistant to our Make Up Artist - - Gladys Radio
Assistant Director of Strategic Planning - - Kent C. Detrees
Assistant Disciplinarian - - Joaquin D'Planque
Asst. Fleet Manager - - Lisa Carr
Asst. Transportation Coordinator - - Orson Buggy
Astoturf Installer - - Nomar Wheaton
Atty General - - Janet Torino
Atty General/Tobacco Settlements - - Hubert H. Humvee II
Audience Counter - - Hugh Wake
Audience Estimator - - Adam Illion
Audience Response Analyst - - Luke Warm
Australian Tour Guide - - Joaquin Matilda
Auto-Body Expert - - James Bondo
Automotive Finishes Consultant - - Rusty Steele
Automotive Medical Researcher - - Dr. Denton Fender
Automotive Registrar - - Megan Model
Auto Seat Tester - - Fitz Matush
***********************
Back Seat Driver - - Veronica Lizzioncourse
Back Seat Driver (2) - - Mischa Turnov
Bail Bond Provider - - Freida Gogh
Band Leader - - Sasha Noyes
Banker, Car Talk Plaza Poker Games - - Nikolai Putin
athroom Tile Installer - - Lotta Bullnose
Bean Counter - - Ed Amame
Bedtime Storyteller - - Juan Zapata
Behavior Consultant - - Wyatt B. Hoovesia
Biblical Scholar - - Vera Lee Isay
Big Band Leader - - Juan Anatou
Blues Coordinator - - Mahamadan Ptolemy
Bob Dylan Specialist - - I. Shelby Released
Bolt Tightener - - Tilda Plierslip
Bowling Coach - - Menachem Down
Breathalyzer Administrator - - Eureka Garlic
British Cutlery Specialist - - Sir Irving Spoon
British Doorman - -Isaiah Olchap
Boston Funeral Director - -Hadley Newham
Brother in the Military - - Major Payne-Diaz
Boston Traffic Director - - Laura Biden
Budget Director - - Sasha Titus
Bunji Jumping Instructor - - Hugo First
Butler in Car Talk's Scotland Division - - Angus MacCoatup
Broadcast Philosopher - - Phillip Airtime
Business Forecaster - - Luigi Bord
****************
Cabinet Maker - - L. Ron Cupboard
Caffeine Addiction Counselor - - Bruno Moore
Car Stereo Installer - - Carlos Antenna
Car Talk Bouncer - - Euripedes Ibreakayourface
Car Talk Ice Rink Manager - - Sam Boney
Car Talk Opera Critic - - Barbara Seville
Celebrity Consultants - - Richard Gere-Oil, Mick Jaguar
Chairman, Federal Lubrication Board - - Alan Greasepan
Chairman, Joint Chiefs of Staff - - John Shall-I-Pop-a-Wheelie
Chairman, Math Dept. - - Horatio Algebra
Chairman of our Southern Literature Department- - Amos Reid
Chairman, Oral History Dept. -Ira Caull
Chairman, Staff Physics Dept. -Victor Analysis
Chairman, Underemployment Study Group - Art Majors
Chicken Soup Provisioner -Kent Hoyt
Chief Benefactor - Myra Chunkle
Chief Estimator - Edward James Almost
Chief Information Officer - Otto Delupe
Chief Justice - Harry Mental, aka Judge Mental
Chief Legal Counsel - Hugh Louis Dewey of Dewey, Cheetham & Howe
Chief Negotiator - Bernadette Bridge
Chief of Stadium Seating for the Olympics -Wayne Back
Chief Procrastinator - Juan Menudo
Chief Procrastinator, Paris Office - Jacques Hughes
Chief Procurement Officer - Emma Chizzit
Chief of Tire Technology - Yessir Itsaflat
Child Care Provider - A. Hugh Nokitov
Child Development Expert - Dr. Benjamin Spark
Child Transportation Specialist - Minnie Van Driver
Children's Menu Adviser - Bea Ferrone
Children's Music Programmer - Al Lowetta
Children's Sleepover Coordinator - Amos Muhmahmi
Class Valedictorian - Sidney Furst Rowe
Cleanliness Inspector - Adolph Deflor
Climate Change Monitor - Jillian Here
Clock Watcher - Colette O'Day
Clothing Designer - Hugh Jass
Co-Chairmen of Apathy Study Group - Ben Thayer, Don Thatt
Collections Specialist - Colin Duboise
Collision Repair Specialist - Jesse "The Body Shop" Ventura
Commencement Speaker - Gladys Overwith
Communications Director - George Stayontopothis
Communications Director II - Noam Sayin
Compassion Coordinator - Ophelia Paine
Complaint Line Operator - Xavier Breath
Computer Hardware Specialist - C. Colin Backslash
Conductor Emeritus, Tappet Brothers Symphony Orchestra - Sludgy Ozawa
Conductor, Tappet Brothers Symphony Orchestra - Philip Harmonic
Conflict Resolution Specialist - Hugo Origo
Conflict Resolution Specialist - Yvonne Apeesamey
Congressional Lobbyists - Orrin Hatchback, Dan Rustencarski, Paul Simonize, B. F. Gingrich
Conservative Political Commentator Eileen Tudor-Wright
Conspiracy Theorist - Nadia Belimi
Construction Manager - Dustin Dubree
Coordinator, 12-Step Recovery Program - Cody Pendant
Coordinator of Summer Visits to the Inlaws - Don Juan-Gogh
Copyright Attorney - Pat Pending
Corporate Spokesperson - Hugh Lyon Sack
Crash Tester - Hope Anna Prayer
Credit Counselor - Max Stout
Criminal Justic Expert - Lauren Order
Cruise Activity Planner - Eton Doolittle
Curator of Dionne Warwick Studies - Isiah Lilprair
Curator of our French Armanents Exhibit - Brittany Spears
Curator of Tom's Car Collection - Rex Galore
Customer Car Care Representative - Haywood Jabuzoff
Customer Credit Officer - Noah Wayne Hellman
Customer Greeter - Mel Pugh
Customer Service Rep/London Ofc - Sir Leo Mann
******************
Daylight Savings Time Manager - Konrad Adenauer
Defense Attorney - Justin Volk V
Defense Attorney II- Heronimus B. Blind
Defense Attorney III - Donnatella Dicoppas
Defense Attorney IV - Gil T. Azell
Defense Dept. Consultant - Major Error
Dental Hygienist - Ginger Vitis
Dermatologist for Teenagers - Don Pickett
Desi Arnaz Biographer - Ike Arumba
Dessert Chef - Tyra Meesu
Dessert Menu Planner - Eaton Flanagan
Director of Accounts Payable - Bill Shredder
Director of Allergy Research - Theresa Pollinating
Director of Alpine Choir - O. Leo Lahey
Director of Automotive Security - Boris Karlarm
Director, Automotive Recycling Center (aka Junkyard) - Ricardo Dismantleban
Director of Cadillac Steering - Toulouse Toutrack
Director of The Car Talk Psychic Network - La Toyota Jackson
Designer of Casual Clothing Line - - Noh Tie, Woo!
Director of Catering - -Russell Upsumgrub
Director of Clandestine Meetings - - Ron DesVue
Director of Cold Weather Starting - - Martina Neverturnover
Director of Computer Diagnostics - - Gus O'Genn
Director of Computer Services - - Dot Matrix
Director of Congressional Funding - - Fred Knott
Director of Country Music - - Stan Beyerman
Director of Deep Sea Research - - Marianna Trench
Director of Delicate Electronics Repair - - Anita Hammer
Director of Desert Food Supplies - - Sandy Berger
Director of Elder Affairs - - Al Takaka
Director of E-mail Responses - - Peggy Flaming
Director of Employee Loyalty Program - - Upton Leftus
Director of Ethics & Honesty - - U. Lyon Sack
Director of Firestone Tire Recalls - - Ivana Michelin
Director of Gender Studies - - Amanda B. Reckondwyth
Director of Global Warming - - Nomar Winter
Director of Grad Student Transportation - - Iona Heap
Director of Guaranteed Repeat Business - - Lucinda Boltz
Director of High-Speed Impact Studies - - Ricardo Montana-Bahn
Director of Italian Traffic Enforcement - - Noah U. Turna
Director of Intensive Care Unit (The Picabo ICU) - - Picabo Street
Director of Jamaican Baseball Operations - - Reggae Jackson
Director of Japanese Cooling Systems - - Emperor Overhito
Director of Latin American Shameless Commerce - - Chico Maniorda
Director of Listener Support - - Noah Fundrive
Director of Lubrication - - Olive Presser
Director of Luxury Car Horns - - Toney Blare
Director of Long-Range Strategic Planning - - Kay Sera
Director of Monopoly Policy - - Juan Moorehouse
Director of New Product Repair - - Warren T. Mifutt
Director of Nutritional Supplements - - Rose Hips
Director of Pavlovian Research - - Isabelle Ringing
Director of Pedestrian Operations - - Carless Castenada
Director of Photography - - Len Scapon
Director of Positive Reinforcement - - A. Kurt Nod
Director of Pollution Control - - Maury Missions
Director of Purchasing - - Lois Bidder
Director of Puzzler Answer Luxury Gift Reception - - Donatella Debois
Directors of Quality Control - - Les Thomas and Nomar Raymond
Director of Red Sox Themed Upholstery - - Nomar Car-seat-repairer
Director of Roadway Resurfacing - - Sylvia Pottholi
Director of Russian Rust Protection - - Yevgeny Primercoat
Director of Speed Bumps - - Slow-Me-Down Milosevic
Director of Sports Information - - Linus Scrimmage
Director of Staff Pay Increases - - Xavier Breath (assisted by Tony Von Thinkett!)
Director of Standard Time - - Red Auerbach
Director of Sycophantic Activities - - Eileen Yorway
Director of Three Stooges Studies - - Lee Eyeapoka
Director of Top Secret Strategy - - Donatello Nobatti
Director of Unsolicited Advice - - H. Ross Peugeot
Director of Upward Mobilityin Eastern Europe - - Zbigniew Chrysler
Director of Warm-Weather Programming - - Sumner Reruns
Disciplinarian - Don Fuller Round
Disgruntled Massage Therapist - Ophelia Self
Distant Cousin in Mexico City - Jaime Royal Payne Diaz
Divorce Attorney - Carmine Nottyors
Document Security Expert from Jamaica - Euripedes Upmann
Dog Trainer - Don Chase Katz
Dope Slap Administrator - Thad Hertz
Dougie's Live-in Fashion Improvement Coach - Noah Vale
Downsizing Consultant - Candace Guy
Drug Trials Specialist - Placebo Domingo
Drycleaner - Preston Creases
**********************
East Asian Used Car Expert - Alexander Soldyernissan
Ebay Specialist - Selma Junkoff
Electronics Technician - Sammy Conductor
Elocution Coach - Richard Shun (aka Dick)
Elvis Impersonator - Amal Shookup
Emergency Preparedness Director - Ron Lykell
Emergency Room Physician - Henrietta Badclam
Emissions Tester - Justin Hale VII (I, II,III, IV, V, VI may they RIP)
Empathy Coach - Enzo Watt
Employee Morale Boosters - Phil Lacrap and his brother Luke Lacrap
Employee Orientation Specialist - Trudy Gauntlet
Employee Refrigerator Monitor - Carmen Dating
Employee Terminator - Laura Deboom
Engine Cooling Systems Manager - Jean Claude Air Damme
Evasive Driving Instructor - Vera Bruptly
Executive Coach - Russell Papus
Executive Washroom Attendant - Eustace Stahl
Exercise Guru- Liza Round
Exhaust Manifold Specialist - Manny Burns
Express Oil Change Provider - Joaquin Joaquout
********************
Fact Checker - Ella Fynoe
Fact Checker, Mexico City Office - C.S. Verdad
Fashion Consultant - Natalie Attired
Fashion Improvement Coach - Noah Vale
Father-in-Law Liason - Royal Payne Diaz
Feng Shui Consultant in Mumbai - Rhea Rangit
Financial Forecaster - Lou Gubrious
Fleet Maintenance Manager - Renata Oil
Fleet Manager - Oscar de la Rental
Footwear Consultant - Susan Shocks
401 K Advisor - Hugh Don Wannano
French Automotive Liaison - Maurice Chevrolet
French Child Care Coordinator - Gerard Diaperdoo
French Dogwalker - Poupon Degrasse
French Ford Expedition Driver - Henri Rependent
French Vacation Specialist - April Lynn Parris
**********************
Gambling Addiction Counselor - Althea Andrasia
Gastroenterologist - Cameron Diaz
Genetic Counselor in Rome - Donna Maria Eucuzzin
German Interpreter - Axel Hausen
Golf and Wine Correspondent - Litre Vino
Golf Pro - Putnam Daily
Gospel Choir Director - Colin Response
Graduation Coordinators - Val and Dick Torian
Grammar Consultant - I.M. Shirley Wright
Greek Driving Instructor - Adjustes Miros
Greek Insurance Estimator - Costa Grand
Guest Accommodations - The Horseshoe Road Inn
Guide to Rapid Sun Tanning - Les Block
Gum Surgeon - Perry O'Dontal
****************
Hair - I.M. Mr. Gigi
Hair Color Consultant - Dewey R. Donti
Head of Alterations - Toulouse Toulong
Head of Covert Operations - Dinah Tell
Head of Bldgs. & Grounds - Moe D'Lawn
Head of Division of Threat Assessment - Ewen Whadarmy
Head of Front Desk Security - Constance Noring
Head of Personal Security - C. Howie Run
Head of Security - Barb Dwyer
Head of our Organ Donation Program - Olivia McColon
Heads of Parts Dept. - Al Lloyd Wheel, Constance Velocity
Head of Used Car Purchasing -Ewell B. Hoffinett
Head of Working Mother Support Group - Erasmus B. Dragon
Help Desk Coordinator - Dan Difino
Help Line Coordinators - Kara Lott-Knott, Don Bothermy
Holiday Decoration Specialist - Aretha Holley
Holiday Wardrobe Consultant - Don Weenau
Horsepower Consultant - Mr. Ed
Hospitality Director - Doris Shutt
*********************
In-house Literary Critic - Al Ligori
In-law Hospitality Provider- Emile Endicott
Insurance Agent - Heidi Ductible
Interior Decorator - Perry Winkle
Interpretive Dance Instructor - Tristan Schaut
Inventory Manager - Mandalit Del Bar-Code
Iraqi Sales Director - Aziz Nowarranty
Italian Conflict Resolution Specialists - Hugh and Mia Donnagria
Italian Governess - Donna Day Evvalurn
*******************
International Lubrication Experts - C.V. Boutros Boutros Gali and Fidel Castrol
****************
Japanese Chef - Benny Honda
Jazz Music Coordinator - Bertha Deblues
Jeep Driver - Jocelyn De Contents
Jewelry Appraiser - Golda Myear
Jump Starting Expert - Stan Wellback
****************
Keeper of Bell Tower - (Hatchback of Notre Dame) Quasi Automotive
*****************
Latin American Bullfighting Specialist - Gordon Diaz
Latin American Trade Representative - Noah Comprenday
Layoff Counselor - Harry Verderchi
Lay Off Counselor II - Oscar Lavista
Leader/Former Peugeot Dealers of America Support Group - Eustace L. Emmons
Leo Tolstoy biographer: Warren Peace - Author of Leo Tolstoy by Warren Peace
Liaison to the British Isles - Isaiah Oldchap
Liaison to the Space Program - Roger Houston
Liaison Officer to Volvo & Renault - Bjorne Toulouse
Libel Defense Director in Tokyo - Sosumi Areti
Lighting Expert - Shanda Lear
Literary Critics - Ernest & Julio Hemingway
Loan Officer - I.O. Silver
Local News Reporter - Phil Mataleven
Locksmith -- Ernest & Eustace Nailfile
Long-Distance Truck Driver - Etienne Wheeler
Loss Prevention Associate - Natasha D'Merchandise
Lost Luggage Tracker - Lester Carey
Lottery Ticket Coordinator - Jason Rainbows
Lug Nut Specialist - Tad Tolouse
Luxury Accomodations Provider - Tony Diggs
*********************
Manager of Automotive Accessories - Francis Ford Cupholda
Manager of Car TalkCapital Depreciation Fund - Les Ismore
Manager of Cartalk.Com - Cy Burnett
Manager, Car Talk Listeners Rebate Program - Wendy Pigsfly
Manager, Donkey Based Video Equipment - Cameron Diaz
Manager of Employee Refrigerator - Carmen Dating
Manager of the Weekly Shrimp Buffet - Sheldon Deveigned
Marine Biologist - Frieda Wales
Marriage Counselor - Marion Haste
Martial Arts Trainer - Anita Degroin
Mechanic's Assistant - Hannah Twomey
Mohammed Ahamana Hamana - Ralph Kramden Impersonator
Montana Traffic Law Director - Hugh Jim Bissell
Mortgage Loan Consultant - Nora Lenderbee
Mother-in-Law Liason - Stella Payne Diaz
Moving Van Driver - Carrie Desofa
Museum Guide - Desdamona Lisa
Music Director - Mel F. Lewis
Musical Director - Donna E. Mobile
Musical Theater Critic from the Bombay Office - Jaswant Singh
**********************
Natural History Curator - Willie Mammoth
New-Employee Training Program - Ewell Flounder
New York-based Dispute Settlement Coordinator - Hugh Talkinamee
Nomadic Studies - Roman Hunt
Nutrition Consultants - Eaton Wright and Liven Good
New Truck Reviewer - Zbigniew Rigg
Night Club Manager - Don Kashane
****************
Official Football Widow - Eliza Decouch
Office Ice Cream Taster - Nora Morse
Official Spokesperson - Howie Vasive
Official Spokesperson - Lou Scannon
Ornithologist in Training - Luke A. Boyd
Our Chief Negotiator - Nicole Anne Dime
Our DNA Researcher - Gene Hackman
Overnight Bus Driver - Borden Drousy
Overseer of Florida Voting Practices - Emmanuel Recount
*********************
Parking Attendant - Rick O'Shea
Parking Garage Attendant - Ray Zador
Parole Officer - Willy Bolt
Parts Inventory Manager - Wayne Debach
Pastry Chef - Edith Tu
Paternity Suit Researcher - Oren Jewison
Pedestrian Advocate - Jay Walker
Pension Fund Manager - Dot Comstock
Periodontist - Winston Paine
Personal Hygiene Advisor from the Tokyo Office - Oh Takashawa
Personal Makeup Artist - Bud Tuggli
Personal Trainer - Jim Shortz
Philosopher - Wanda Y. Datso
Photographer- F. Stop Fitzgerald
Physical Therapist - Eustace Kane
Physics Graduate Student - Laura Vernersha
Plastic Surgeon - Fay Swift
Podcast Reviewer - Kent Stan de Noyes
Poet Laureate - Robert Defrost
Political Consultant - Mark Iavelli
PowerPoint Producer - Boris Tadeff
PR Director - Bea Esser
Practical Joke Evaluator - Odessa Goodwyn
Practical Joke Specialist - Dietrich Iznotulaff
Prayer Coach - Denise Hurt
Pre-show Caterers - Giardia Brothers
President, Car Talk Hair Club for Men - Emerson Fittibaldie (he's also a client)
President, Disgruntled Hatchback Owners Club - Ivana Trunk
Press Secretary - Don B. Zonozi
Producer's Office, Furnished by - Rick Kleiner
Proof Reader - Erin Spelling
Proprietor of Car Talk's men clothing store - Euripedes Eumenedes
Pseudonym Consultant - Norm De Plume
Public Opinion Pollster - Paul Murky of Murky Research
Puerto Vallarta Transmission Specialist - Synchro de Mayo
Public Appearances Coordinator - Ida Klein
Puzzler Tester - Otis S. Hard
******************
Race Team Driver - Andy Zoff
Rafting Guide - Euphrates Rapids
Ranch Foreman - Hyman Oldcowhand
Ratings Analysis Specialist - Rita Menweip
Recently Discovered Uncle from Warsaw - Zbigniew Payne Diaz
Receptionist - Sedona Tush
Regional Director, Atlanta - Frank Lee Scarlett
Registered Mail Manager - Kent B. Goode
Reincarnation Expert - Diana Comeback
Reluctant Film Editor - Francis Ford Cupholda
Rental Property Manager - Ulysses Up
Rental Property Manager - Condoleeza B. Broken
Repair Cost Consultant - Bill M. Moore
Repo Agent - Carmine Now
Retractable Antenna Tester - Benton Broke
Rock and Roll Historian - Bruce Wade Hughes
Rocket Scientist - Chet Propeld
Rumanian Emissions Tester - Vlad the Inhaler
Russian-American Hesitation Specialist - Anita Putin Newkarb
Russian Chauffeur - Picov Andropov
Russian Gas Station Attendant - Phillip Antopitov
Russian Intern - Igor Beaver
Russian Vacation Specialist - Ivana Veekoff
*******************
Safari Planner - Sarah Anne Getty
Safety Officers - Mort & Fay Tality
Sales Director - Aziz Nowarranty
Sales Motivation Coach - Norman Vincent Pealeout
Satellite Radio Critic - Candace B. Sirius
Scout Leader - Lawson D. Woods
Seafood Provisioner - Howard E. Oysters
Seat Cushion Tester - Mike Easter
Seating Consultant - Rush Lumbar
Second Shift Meteorologist - Claudio Vernight
Secretary of Pain Relief - Les Aspirin
Secretary of Halogen Headlamps - Made-A-Lane Allbright
Secretary of Photographic Reproduction - Fresh Prince
Self Defense Instructor - Nina Cahones
Self Esteem Coach - Mia Culpa
Senior Accountant /Paris Office - Count De Monet
Senior Citizen Driving Instructor - Tonya Blinkeroff
Senior Ornithologist - Seymour Robbiins
Sexual Harrassment Intervention Counselor - Pat McCann
Sexual Harassment Trainer, Frankfurt Office - Hans T. Josef
Shop Foreman - Luke Bizzy
Shop Foreman II - Constance Ubervision
Short Order Cook - Burt Toast
Sidewalk Clothing Vendor - Chip Pentz
Singing Urologist - Urethra Franklin
Sleep Clinic Operator - Betty Bayh
Sleepy LaBeef Ticket - Procurer Caldwell Ahead
Solicitor of New Ideas - Obie Quiet
Soloists - Kerry Oki, Victor Yugo
Spanish Gerentologist - Senor Moment
Special Liaision to the California Energy Commission - Tanya Lightov
Speech Pathologist - Peter Aftermey
Speechwriter - Audrey Marx
Spiritual Counselor - Miss Dolly Lama
Sportsmanship Coach- Ivan Youlose
Staff Activities Coordinator - Dewey Hafta
Staff Acupuncturist - O. Howard Hertz
Staff Advisor - Judy Cyde
Staff Alpinist - Arianna Topyet
Staff Archivist - Bernadette File
Staff Author - Four-Door Dostoevski
Staff Barber - Buzz Wazleftov
Staff Bicycle Tester - Maya Certz
Staff Bikini Waxer - Harry Mouval
Staff Butler, from the Car TalkBombay Division - Mahatma Coat
Staff Bouncer - Euripedes Ibrakauface
Staff Carburetor Expert - Leslie Stahl
Staff Cardiologist - Angie O'Plasty
Staff Cat Feeder - Ken Opener
Staff Caterer - Edith Ann Weepe
Staff Chaperone - Theresa Crowd
Staff Chaplain - Neil Down
Staff Child Seat Tester - Drew Lee Weiner
Staff Chiropractor - Winston Paine
Staff Composers - Gustav Muffler, Bela Cartok
Staff Cooks - Al Dente, Sal Monella
Staff Copy Editor - Adeline Moore
Staff Dermatologist - Ivan Offalitch
Staff Dietician - Norma Lee Chowen
Staff Disciplinarian - Les Stern
Staff Disciplinarian II- Tara Neuwon
Staff Disciplinarian III - Juan Demerritt
Staff Dramatist - Anton Chokeov
Staff Fact Checker - Neera Nuff
Staff Forger - Vera Similitude
Staff Gastroenterologist - Dr. Louis Stuhls
Staff Geneticist - Dr. Jean Poole
Staff Geographer - Lorraine, Alsace
Staff Gigolo - Spencer Cash
Staff Gossip Columnist- Bud Inski
Staff Grief Counselor - Ariel Bummerman
Staff Groper - Manny Rumsfeldt
Staff Historian- Marsha Time
Staff Intern - Lois Rung
Staff Intuitionist - Ivan Inkling
Staff Kitchen Designer - Joaquin Freezer
Staff Kleptomaniac - Heidi Silver
Staff Martini Mixer - Oliver Twist
Staff Mediator - Sue First
Staff Meteorologist - Gail Storm
Staff Meteorologist from New Delhi - Luke Audavindo
Staff Meteorologist from the Seattle Office - Wayne Goaway
Staff Morticians - Barry L. PlotzSven Didigo
Staff Nutritionist - Arlene Menu
Staff Oral Historian- Studds Tercel
Staff Ornithologist, McMurdo Office - Marcia De Penguins
Staff Orthopedist - Denise Hoyt
Staff Physicist - Moe Mentum
Staff Promotions Director - Anita Buttkiss
Staff Psychologist - Les Moody
Staff Reporters - Walter Windshield, Walter Crankcase
Staff Sommelier - Avery Goodyear
Staff Snowplow Driver - Frasier Tushov
Staff Supervisor - Mike Romanage
Staff Temporary Housing Specialist - Condo Leaser Rice
Staff Urologist - Willa Catheter
Staff Urologist II- Pete Shedille
Standard Time Keeper - Hans Auerbach
Station Identification Coordinator - Avery Haffenauer
Statistician - Marge Innovera
Studio Repair Technician - Sloan Cranky
Summer Intern - Gladys Overnow
Suppliers of Insurance toDewey, Cheetham and Howe - C.F.I. Care
Surf Reporter - Cal Abunga
Surgeon General - C. Everett Koop DeVille
Swedish Attorney - Bjorn Liar
Swedish Pessimist - Gunnar D. Daysr
Swimwear Designer - C. Bigby Heinz
Swing Dance Consultant - Antonia Band-Era
**********************
Table Saw Operator - Les Digits
Tactiturn Poet - Kurt Rhymer
Tailor - Euripedes Imenedes
Tax Consultant - Lou Pole
Teenage Daughter - Sasha Royal Payne Dias
Teenage Valet - Lao Tse Parker
Telephone Complaint Taker - Opal Lease
Telephone Solicitation Response Specialist - Teresa Noboddihoum
Termite Inspector - Luke Underwood
Timing Director - Benjamin Not-Yet-You-Yahoo!
Tom's Beard Cleaner - Emile Initself
Tommy's Front Yard Designer - Roxanne Debris
Tom's Personal Dating Coach - Edna Bagg
Tom's Personal Hygiene Coach - Haseen Benisi
Tom's Personal Matchmaker - Robin D'Craydell
Toto Payne Diaz - Little Dog of Payne-Diaz family
Tour Leader - Terry Incognito
Town Car Rear Seat Passenger - Ralph Oliver
Town Criers - Nina Clark and Alice Well
Traffic Reporter - U.B. Crawlin
Transcriber - Diana Boredom
Transgender Studies Expert -Ben Her
Transportation Coordinator - Rick Shaw
Travel Agent - Lois Faire
Travel Agent, Bombay Office - Vishnu Verhere
Travel Coordinator - Althea Around
Two Year Old - Ariel Payne Diaz
*********************
Undergarment Inspector - I.C. London
Urgent Response Coordinator - Candace Waite
Used Car Salesman - Alexis Itznot
*********************
Vehicle Preservation Specialist - Cosmo Lean
Videographer, Tel Aviv Office - Schlomo Replay
Visually Impaired Parking Lot Attendant -Dale Neverknow
********************
Wardrobe Advisor - Luke Howard Fitzhugh
Wardrobe Assistant - Joaquin Closet
Wardrobe Consultant - Natalie Attired
Weekend Excursion Planner - Deepak Tumuch
Wine Snob - Noah Merle Low
Windsurfing Instructor - Eileen Windy
Wine Taster from the Abu Dhabi Office - Hassen Ben Sober

Wit & Wisdom from the Farmers Almanac

On January 17, 1916, the Professional Golfers Association was formed.

A wet January, a wet spring.

Sinuses congested? Add a good dose of horseradish to your sandwich.

108 Years Ago

THE FARMER'S home, as well as the mechanic's, is made more attractive by having a few potted plants in the sitting room during the winter months.
Geraniums are hardy and easily cared for, and, what is important, will blossom at all seasons of the year; some hardy pinks are desirable; a small orange tree with its ripening fruit is always interesting; and a few pots of strawberries are very attractive. The green leaves, the white blossoms and the ripening fruit in midwinter, afford an attraction not only to the members of the home, but to all visitors.
-- Farmer's Calendar The Old Farmer's Almanac, 1900

Also from the Farmer's Almanac:

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas...
take down your Christmas Tree....then what?

1. If you followed the Old Farmer's advice and bought a potted tree, you can plant it outdoors in the spring!
2. Prop up your old Christmas tree near your bird feeder as a staging area for small birds like chickadees and finches.
3. Trim the branches from the tree, and saw the trunk into several pieces. Tie the pieces together and store the bundle in the cellar. This will make an aromatic Yule fire in your fireplace next Christmas Eve.
4. Use the branches from your Christmas tree to mulch perennials and shrubs.
Your Christmas tree makes an ideal bird feeder and haven. String it with your popcorn and cranberry garland or other bird-friendly goodies, and put it in a sheltered location.
5. Use boughs from your Christmas tree to shade broad-leaved evergreen shrubs and to ward off animals.
6. Building a house or know someone who is? Nail the tree to the peak of the roof rafters, to bring good luck.
7. Sew scraps of fabric together and fill them with Christmas tree needles. These make fragrant balsam sachets that can freshen drawers and closets.
8. Collect trees from several neighbors and line them up along your driveway or sidewalk as a windbreak. Anchor them to cement blocks, and bury the blocks in the snow.
9. Pile Christmas tree boughs around tree trunks to discourage neighborhood dogs.
10. Use dried-out sprigs to ignite kindling in your woodstove or fireplace.
11. Give the tree to a friend or neighbor who has a woodchipper

Advice from the Frugal Housekeeper (Old Farmer's Almanac)

Most of these everyone already knows, but I thought they were handy just the same.

Good sewing scissors will be dulled by cutting anything but fabric and thread. Relegate the cutting of paper, canvas, and other materials to all-purpose household shears.

Combat wintertime static cling in clothing by stroking a wire hanger over the outfit several times to eliminate the static charge. This technique works to tame staticky hair, too.

Save leftover scraps of wallpaper when you redo a room. The scraps will come in handy for patching future tears or stains.

Zippers will last longer if you close them before putting the items into the washer or dryer. Also fasten hooks and eyes on clothing, such as women's underwear, before putting them through the wash. Unfastened hooks tend to catch on other clothing and cause giant clothing tangles and even snags and rips.

Here We Go Again

Changing my diet again!

I got off track and I am paying the high price for it. I kept getting ice cream and chocolate cravings. So, admittedly, I would just eat some. Also, the gym and walking track took a back seat to work and reading/studying time at home. Now, I have gained weight (duh, like I didn't know that might happen) and my health is out of whack. I can feel it. I hate this.

Soooo, no more goodies when I want em. Actually, I don't want em anymore. I am beating myself up for doing it. I must have said "never" sometime along the way of my health kick.

I am on the hunt for good recipes to try so I will post them now and again.

Laughing about...

Southern news personalities should take language/speech classes before being hired.

today when I stepped off the curb to cross the street and a car was heading for the curbside parking space I was standing in, and i did a quick "oh sh#$!" dance and tried to walk faster, then my right boot heel caught in my left pants cuff and I looked like a waving lunatic dragging my left leg trying not to get hit by a lady in a sedan.

The plural word for beef is "beeves" (wikipedia.com)

If there was a wrestler named "The Radiatorrrrrr"

You can howl at my dog and he will howl back.

Great Quote

Sometimes when I get up in the morning, I feel very peculiar. I feel like I've just got to bite a cat! I feel like if I don't bite a cat before sundown, I'll go crazy! But then I just take a deep breath and forget about it. That's what is known as real maturity. ~Snoopy


You know you're laughin'!

Hamburger speaking, how may I help you?

I am hamburgered out. With our budget crunch, we've been having an awful lot of them. Marli and I got Chris a griddle for his birthday. He has taken up cooking burgers on it for a new hobby. Next year it's a new apron and a paper hat. I had another burger for lunch today. Not just because of budget crunch, but time crunch. I will turn into one if I eat another one.

I had a nice quiet weekend. Those margaritas were wonderful. Only got one chapter of my book read, though. There is always something stopping me from getting to read it. I will fit in as much as I can this week.

Marli starts back to school tomorrow after getting used to sleeping in since right before Christmas. That should be fun. Yeah. She'll be mad at me from the time she opens her eyes til I let her out at school. It never fails. Mom the monster. The one who disturbs me every morning because she cares whether or not I get educated! The beast!

I didn't make any resolutions this year. First time ever. I am just sort of floating along. I should have "whatever" tattooed on my forehead. Speaking of that, it's time for another tattoo. Well, as soon as my budget picks up. It's true. They're addictive. This will be my fourth.

TGIF

I am sooo glad to see Friday this week. It's supposed to be warming up, I get paid, I have new books to read this weekend, I get paid, I get to sleep late for the next two days, I get paid...

I want to try a new recipe this weekend. I haven't found it yet, but it will be soup. Maybe like a cheesy, bacony potato soup. Or better yet, I will go to Sweet Peppers and get a Panini. Those are so good you have to chew slowly to savor it.....

cOld and New

Who's cold? Who's warm, would be the better question. I had two heaters going in one room this morning. In the living room. The bathroom is on the same side of the house, right next to the living room. I went in to dry my hair and ...click. The house went quiet. The heat, hairdryer and TV went off. The breaker was thrown. I can't reach the darn thing so I moved to another room, dried my hair, got ready and left a cold house. My poor dog! When I left he was curled up in my chair on a throw with all 4 paws underneath him. Looking at me with sad, pitiful eyes. His expression said "Mommy, I'm cooooold". It broke my heart. I put another throw on top of him, hugged him bye and left for work. Chris would be home in about 3 hours, so I knew he would probably sleep the entire time anyway. He is warm as a blanket when he curls up like that.

I'm wearing another new shirt today! I washed it but it's still stiff. It will take another washing to get the "new" out of it. I also have on new socks with my backless shoes. They are so slick that if I hold my foot pointed down my shoe will sliiiide right off. Makes it hard to walk in them too!

Happy 2008!

Happy 2008!

Happy Birthday Mom! Happy Birthday Chris!

We had a happy New Year, although it was too windy to shoot fireworks. We managed a few. I fell asleep so I missed the ball drop. I think I did that last year too.

Aunt Sandi, I took Marli to Bookland to use her gift card yesterday. I am certain you would have never thought to get her what she bought as a gift. A book and CD to learn to speak German. Yep. I was impressed. I know she is smart and all that, but the thing that impressed me was that she put down the Wii and took up speaking German. She was already awake and listening to the CD and reading along in her book when I left home this morning.

We also went to Cato shopping ( Thank you again for the gift card, mimi!) and they were having a half price sale. I found a cute blouse and a nice pullover. I love the colors in this shirt. Turquoise, brown, black. Now I have to make some jewelry to match. I am wearing my gold hoops set with it now and it looks okay. I also found some black boots. I wore my other pair OUT. My pinky toes were peeping out the sides. These are pointy toe boots with about a 2" spiky heel. They feel new, too. My feet are already aching. That could be because it's under 20 degrees here!

My neighbor was out in her head wrap this morning tending to her cats and getting her paper. She saw me come out and says "shuur is cold, ain't it? Well, bye!" She didn't stick around for an answer! It would have been a good time for snow. Oh well. It is Mississippi.