More Anecdotes

Fred Allen (1894-1956), US comedian and radio star. He had a long-running mock feud with Jack Benny.
1. "If somebody caught him in the act of kindness he ducked behind a screen of cynicism. A friend was walking with him when a truck bore down on a newsboy in front of them. Allen dashed out and snatched the boy to safety, then snarled at him, "What's the matter, kid? Don't you want to grow up and have troubles?"

2. Spying a haggard, long-haired cellist in the orchestra pit of a vaudeville house in Toledo, Allen called out to him, "How much would you charge to haunt a house?"

Sir Lawrence Alma-Tadema (1836-1912), Dutch painter who adopted British nationality in 1873.
A friend of Alma-Tadema had just become the proud father of twins. The painter made his congratulatory visit immediately after concluding a rather excessive drinking bout. Though still a bit muzzy, he was prudent enough to exclaim, "What an enchanting baby!"

Francis Bacon, 1st Baron Verulam and Viscount St. Albans (1561-1626), English lawyer and experimental philosopher:
While lord chancellor, Bacon presided over a criminal appeal in which the plaintiff was a man called Hogg. Hogg facetiously pleaded that he should be let off on the grounds of his kinship with the judge. "For, "he claimed, "Hogg must be kin to Bacon."
"Not until it has been hung," was the chancellor's reply.