Car Talk Credits

I know everyone who listens to Car Talk has seen these, but sometimes when I need a laugh I look the list over again. Sometimes, they just come into my head anyway. I am also publishing this here for a quick reference for myself. BEWARE: THIS IS A LOOOOOOOOOONG POST.

Ladies and Gentlemen:

Car Talk's Recently Hired Staff
Russian-American Hesitation Specialist - Anita Putin Newkarb
Podcast Reviewer - - Kent Stan de Noyes
Windshield Wiper Replacement Team - - Ike and Zeke Leerly
Tom's Dating Coach - - Annie Von Vildo
Petty Cash Auditor - - Dave Reckoning
Head of Watersports Marketing - - Selma Kayak
Emergency Humor Hotline Operator - - Joe Klein
Roman History Buff - - Vinnie V. Divici
Political Consultant - - Paul C. Wonk
Toastmaster - - Cy Gazunt
Spiritual Counselors - - Zeke and Ewell Find
Chief Accountant - - Candace B. Rittenoff
Dyslexic Rock and Roll Music Critic - -Roland Rock
Brake Adjuster - -Schlomo Quigley
Route Planner - -Oliver D. Map
Pastery Chef - -Buck Le Vaugh
Appetizer Coordinator - - Barbara Ganush
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Car Talk's Official Staff Credits
Accounts Payable Administrator - -Imelda Czechs
Aegean Caterer - -Sue Flockey
Accounts Payable Clerk, Moscow Office - -Dasha Chekhov
Accounts Rec. Supervisor/Mumbai Office - -Vishnu Payup
Adopted Son from Sweden - -Bjorn A. Payne Diaz
Airline Seat Tester - -Wilma Butfit
Air-Quality Monitor- - Carmine Dioxide
Air Traffic Controller- - Ulanda U. Lucky
Airline Reservation Manager - - Will Price Randomly
Alaskan Prenuptial Advisor - - Rush Inuit
Alignment Inspector - - Lou Segusi
Alternative Fuel Consultant - - Amanda Livering Cole
Anger Management Coach - - Kirsten Hollered
Anger Management Consultant - - Joanne Slowburner
Appalachian Chef - - Everett Possum
Appeals Specialist - - Bud Uronner
Appointment Secretary - - Stu Earley
Appointment Secretary II - - Amadeus O. Early
Arbitration Expert - - Viola Fuss
Art Critic- - Phyllis Steen
Art Critic (2) - - Dot Snice
Asphalt Contractor - - Luciano Pavearoadi
Assertiveness Training Coach - - Lois Steem
Assistant Customer Care Representive - - Kurt Reply
Asst. Dir. Computer Services - - Sy Burnett and Sy Quest
Assistant Director of Moral Support - - Hugo Gurll
Assistant to our Make Up Artist - - Gladys Radio
Assistant Director of Strategic Planning - - Kent C. Detrees
Assistant Disciplinarian - - Joaquin D'Planque
Asst. Fleet Manager - - Lisa Carr
Asst. Transportation Coordinator - - Orson Buggy
Astoturf Installer - - Nomar Wheaton
Atty General - - Janet Torino
Atty General/Tobacco Settlements - - Hubert H. Humvee II
Audience Counter - - Hugh Wake
Audience Estimator - - Adam Illion
Audience Response Analyst - - Luke Warm
Australian Tour Guide - - Joaquin Matilda
Auto-Body Expert - - James Bondo
Automotive Finishes Consultant - - Rusty Steele
Automotive Medical Researcher - - Dr. Denton Fender
Automotive Registrar - - Megan Model
Auto Seat Tester - - Fitz Matush
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Back Seat Driver - - Veronica Lizzioncourse
Back Seat Driver (2) - - Mischa Turnov
Bail Bond Provider - - Freida Gogh
Band Leader - - Sasha Noyes
Banker, Car Talk Plaza Poker Games - - Nikolai Putin
athroom Tile Installer - - Lotta Bullnose
Bean Counter - - Ed Amame
Bedtime Storyteller - - Juan Zapata
Behavior Consultant - - Wyatt B. Hoovesia
Biblical Scholar - - Vera Lee Isay
Big Band Leader - - Juan Anatou
Blues Coordinator - - Mahamadan Ptolemy
Bob Dylan Specialist - - I. Shelby Released
Bolt Tightener - - Tilda Plierslip
Bowling Coach - - Menachem Down
Breathalyzer Administrator - - Eureka Garlic
British Cutlery Specialist - - Sir Irving Spoon
British Doorman - -Isaiah Olchap
Boston Funeral Director - -Hadley Newham
Brother in the Military - - Major Payne-Diaz
Boston Traffic Director - - Laura Biden
Budget Director - - Sasha Titus
Bunji Jumping Instructor - - Hugo First
Butler in Car Talk's Scotland Division - - Angus MacCoatup
Broadcast Philosopher - - Phillip Airtime
Business Forecaster - - Luigi Bord
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Cabinet Maker - - L. Ron Cupboard
Caffeine Addiction Counselor - - Bruno Moore
Car Stereo Installer - - Carlos Antenna
Car Talk Bouncer - - Euripedes Ibreakayourface
Car Talk Ice Rink Manager - - Sam Boney
Car Talk Opera Critic - - Barbara Seville
Celebrity Consultants - - Richard Gere-Oil, Mick Jaguar
Chairman, Federal Lubrication Board - - Alan Greasepan
Chairman, Joint Chiefs of Staff - - John Shall-I-Pop-a-Wheelie
Chairman, Math Dept. - - Horatio Algebra
Chairman of our Southern Literature Department- - Amos Reid
Chairman, Oral History Dept. -Ira Caull
Chairman, Staff Physics Dept. -Victor Analysis
Chairman, Underemployment Study Group - Art Majors
Chicken Soup Provisioner -Kent Hoyt
Chief Benefactor - Myra Chunkle
Chief Estimator - Edward James Almost
Chief Information Officer - Otto Delupe
Chief Justice - Harry Mental, aka Judge Mental
Chief Legal Counsel - Hugh Louis Dewey of Dewey, Cheetham & Howe
Chief Negotiator - Bernadette Bridge
Chief of Stadium Seating for the Olympics -Wayne Back
Chief Procrastinator - Juan Menudo
Chief Procrastinator, Paris Office - Jacques Hughes
Chief Procurement Officer - Emma Chizzit
Chief of Tire Technology - Yessir Itsaflat
Child Care Provider - A. Hugh Nokitov
Child Development Expert - Dr. Benjamin Spark
Child Transportation Specialist - Minnie Van Driver
Children's Menu Adviser - Bea Ferrone
Children's Music Programmer - Al Lowetta
Children's Sleepover Coordinator - Amos Muhmahmi
Class Valedictorian - Sidney Furst Rowe
Cleanliness Inspector - Adolph Deflor
Climate Change Monitor - Jillian Here
Clock Watcher - Colette O'Day
Clothing Designer - Hugh Jass
Co-Chairmen of Apathy Study Group - Ben Thayer, Don Thatt
Collections Specialist - Colin Duboise
Collision Repair Specialist - Jesse "The Body Shop" Ventura
Commencement Speaker - Gladys Overwith
Communications Director - George Stayontopothis
Communications Director II - Noam Sayin
Compassion Coordinator - Ophelia Paine
Complaint Line Operator - Xavier Breath
Computer Hardware Specialist - C. Colin Backslash
Conductor Emeritus, Tappet Brothers Symphony Orchestra - Sludgy Ozawa
Conductor, Tappet Brothers Symphony Orchestra - Philip Harmonic
Conflict Resolution Specialist - Hugo Origo
Conflict Resolution Specialist - Yvonne Apeesamey
Congressional Lobbyists - Orrin Hatchback, Dan Rustencarski, Paul Simonize, B. F. Gingrich
Conservative Political Commentator Eileen Tudor-Wright
Conspiracy Theorist - Nadia Belimi
Construction Manager - Dustin Dubree
Coordinator, 12-Step Recovery Program - Cody Pendant
Coordinator of Summer Visits to the Inlaws - Don Juan-Gogh
Copyright Attorney - Pat Pending
Corporate Spokesperson - Hugh Lyon Sack
Crash Tester - Hope Anna Prayer
Credit Counselor - Max Stout
Criminal Justic Expert - Lauren Order
Cruise Activity Planner - Eton Doolittle
Curator of Dionne Warwick Studies - Isiah Lilprair
Curator of our French Armanents Exhibit - Brittany Spears
Curator of Tom's Car Collection - Rex Galore
Customer Car Care Representative - Haywood Jabuzoff
Customer Credit Officer - Noah Wayne Hellman
Customer Greeter - Mel Pugh
Customer Service Rep/London Ofc - Sir Leo Mann
******************
Daylight Savings Time Manager - Konrad Adenauer
Defense Attorney - Justin Volk V
Defense Attorney II- Heronimus B. Blind
Defense Attorney III - Donnatella Dicoppas
Defense Attorney IV - Gil T. Azell
Defense Dept. Consultant - Major Error
Dental Hygienist - Ginger Vitis
Dermatologist for Teenagers - Don Pickett
Desi Arnaz Biographer - Ike Arumba
Dessert Chef - Tyra Meesu
Dessert Menu Planner - Eaton Flanagan
Director of Accounts Payable - Bill Shredder
Director of Allergy Research - Theresa Pollinating
Director of Alpine Choir - O. Leo Lahey
Director of Automotive Security - Boris Karlarm
Director, Automotive Recycling Center (aka Junkyard) - Ricardo Dismantleban
Director of Cadillac Steering - Toulouse Toutrack
Director of The Car Talk Psychic Network - La Toyota Jackson
Designer of Casual Clothing Line - - Noh Tie, Woo!
Director of Catering - -Russell Upsumgrub
Director of Clandestine Meetings - - Ron DesVue
Director of Cold Weather Starting - - Martina Neverturnover
Director of Computer Diagnostics - - Gus O'Genn
Director of Computer Services - - Dot Matrix
Director of Congressional Funding - - Fred Knott
Director of Country Music - - Stan Beyerman
Director of Deep Sea Research - - Marianna Trench
Director of Delicate Electronics Repair - - Anita Hammer
Director of Desert Food Supplies - - Sandy Berger
Director of Elder Affairs - - Al Takaka
Director of E-mail Responses - - Peggy Flaming
Director of Employee Loyalty Program - - Upton Leftus
Director of Ethics & Honesty - - U. Lyon Sack
Director of Firestone Tire Recalls - - Ivana Michelin
Director of Gender Studies - - Amanda B. Reckondwyth
Director of Global Warming - - Nomar Winter
Director of Grad Student Transportation - - Iona Heap
Director of Guaranteed Repeat Business - - Lucinda Boltz
Director of High-Speed Impact Studies - - Ricardo Montana-Bahn
Director of Italian Traffic Enforcement - - Noah U. Turna
Director of Intensive Care Unit (The Picabo ICU) - - Picabo Street
Director of Jamaican Baseball Operations - - Reggae Jackson
Director of Japanese Cooling Systems - - Emperor Overhito
Director of Latin American Shameless Commerce - - Chico Maniorda
Director of Listener Support - - Noah Fundrive
Director of Lubrication - - Olive Presser
Director of Luxury Car Horns - - Toney Blare
Director of Long-Range Strategic Planning - - Kay Sera
Director of Monopoly Policy - - Juan Moorehouse
Director of New Product Repair - - Warren T. Mifutt
Director of Nutritional Supplements - - Rose Hips
Director of Pavlovian Research - - Isabelle Ringing
Director of Pedestrian Operations - - Carless Castenada
Director of Photography - - Len Scapon
Director of Positive Reinforcement - - A. Kurt Nod
Director of Pollution Control - - Maury Missions
Director of Purchasing - - Lois Bidder
Director of Puzzler Answer Luxury Gift Reception - - Donatella Debois
Directors of Quality Control - - Les Thomas and Nomar Raymond
Director of Red Sox Themed Upholstery - - Nomar Car-seat-repairer
Director of Roadway Resurfacing - - Sylvia Pottholi
Director of Russian Rust Protection - - Yevgeny Primercoat
Director of Speed Bumps - - Slow-Me-Down Milosevic
Director of Sports Information - - Linus Scrimmage
Director of Staff Pay Increases - - Xavier Breath (assisted by Tony Von Thinkett!)
Director of Standard Time - - Red Auerbach
Director of Sycophantic Activities - - Eileen Yorway
Director of Three Stooges Studies - - Lee Eyeapoka
Director of Top Secret Strategy - - Donatello Nobatti
Director of Unsolicited Advice - - H. Ross Peugeot
Director of Upward Mobilityin Eastern Europe - - Zbigniew Chrysler
Director of Warm-Weather Programming - - Sumner Reruns
Disciplinarian - Don Fuller Round
Disgruntled Massage Therapist - Ophelia Self
Distant Cousin in Mexico City - Jaime Royal Payne Diaz
Divorce Attorney - Carmine Nottyors
Document Security Expert from Jamaica - Euripedes Upmann
Dog Trainer - Don Chase Katz
Dope Slap Administrator - Thad Hertz
Dougie's Live-in Fashion Improvement Coach - Noah Vale
Downsizing Consultant - Candace Guy
Drug Trials Specialist - Placebo Domingo
Drycleaner - Preston Creases
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East Asian Used Car Expert - Alexander Soldyernissan
Ebay Specialist - Selma Junkoff
Electronics Technician - Sammy Conductor
Elocution Coach - Richard Shun (aka Dick)
Elvis Impersonator - Amal Shookup
Emergency Preparedness Director - Ron Lykell
Emergency Room Physician - Henrietta Badclam
Emissions Tester - Justin Hale VII (I, II,III, IV, V, VI may they RIP)
Empathy Coach - Enzo Watt
Employee Morale Boosters - Phil Lacrap and his brother Luke Lacrap
Employee Orientation Specialist - Trudy Gauntlet
Employee Refrigerator Monitor - Carmen Dating
Employee Terminator - Laura Deboom
Engine Cooling Systems Manager - Jean Claude Air Damme
Evasive Driving Instructor - Vera Bruptly
Executive Coach - Russell Papus
Executive Washroom Attendant - Eustace Stahl
Exercise Guru- Liza Round
Exhaust Manifold Specialist - Manny Burns
Express Oil Change Provider - Joaquin Joaquout
********************
Fact Checker - Ella Fynoe
Fact Checker, Mexico City Office - C.S. Verdad
Fashion Consultant - Natalie Attired
Fashion Improvement Coach - Noah Vale
Father-in-Law Liason - Royal Payne Diaz
Feng Shui Consultant in Mumbai - Rhea Rangit
Financial Forecaster - Lou Gubrious
Fleet Maintenance Manager - Renata Oil
Fleet Manager - Oscar de la Rental
Footwear Consultant - Susan Shocks
401 K Advisor - Hugh Don Wannano
French Automotive Liaison - Maurice Chevrolet
French Child Care Coordinator - Gerard Diaperdoo
French Dogwalker - Poupon Degrasse
French Ford Expedition Driver - Henri Rependent
French Vacation Specialist - April Lynn Parris
**********************
Gambling Addiction Counselor - Althea Andrasia
Gastroenterologist - Cameron Diaz
Genetic Counselor in Rome - Donna Maria Eucuzzin
German Interpreter - Axel Hausen
Golf and Wine Correspondent - Litre Vino
Golf Pro - Putnam Daily
Gospel Choir Director - Colin Response
Graduation Coordinators - Val and Dick Torian
Grammar Consultant - I.M. Shirley Wright
Greek Driving Instructor - Adjustes Miros
Greek Insurance Estimator - Costa Grand
Guest Accommodations - The Horseshoe Road Inn
Guide to Rapid Sun Tanning - Les Block
Gum Surgeon - Perry O'Dontal
****************
Hair - I.M. Mr. Gigi
Hair Color Consultant - Dewey R. Donti
Head of Alterations - Toulouse Toulong
Head of Covert Operations - Dinah Tell
Head of Bldgs. & Grounds - Moe D'Lawn
Head of Division of Threat Assessment - Ewen Whadarmy
Head of Front Desk Security - Constance Noring
Head of Personal Security - C. Howie Run
Head of Security - Barb Dwyer
Head of our Organ Donation Program - Olivia McColon
Heads of Parts Dept. - Al Lloyd Wheel, Constance Velocity
Head of Used Car Purchasing -Ewell B. Hoffinett
Head of Working Mother Support Group - Erasmus B. Dragon
Help Desk Coordinator - Dan Difino
Help Line Coordinators - Kara Lott-Knott, Don Bothermy
Holiday Decoration Specialist - Aretha Holley
Holiday Wardrobe Consultant - Don Weenau
Horsepower Consultant - Mr. Ed
Hospitality Director - Doris Shutt
*********************
In-house Literary Critic - Al Ligori
In-law Hospitality Provider- Emile Endicott
Insurance Agent - Heidi Ductible
Interior Decorator - Perry Winkle
Interpretive Dance Instructor - Tristan Schaut
Inventory Manager - Mandalit Del Bar-Code
Iraqi Sales Director - Aziz Nowarranty
Italian Conflict Resolution Specialists - Hugh and Mia Donnagria
Italian Governess - Donna Day Evvalurn
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International Lubrication Experts - C.V. Boutros Boutros Gali and Fidel Castrol
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Japanese Chef - Benny Honda
Jazz Music Coordinator - Bertha Deblues
Jeep Driver - Jocelyn De Contents
Jewelry Appraiser - Golda Myear
Jump Starting Expert - Stan Wellback
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Keeper of Bell Tower - (Hatchback of Notre Dame) Quasi Automotive
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Latin American Bullfighting Specialist - Gordon Diaz
Latin American Trade Representative - Noah Comprenday
Layoff Counselor - Harry Verderchi
Lay Off Counselor II - Oscar Lavista
Leader/Former Peugeot Dealers of America Support Group - Eustace L. Emmons
Leo Tolstoy biographer: Warren Peace - Author of Leo Tolstoy by Warren Peace
Liaison to the British Isles - Isaiah Oldchap
Liaison to the Space Program - Roger Houston
Liaison Officer to Volvo & Renault - Bjorne Toulouse
Libel Defense Director in Tokyo - Sosumi Areti
Lighting Expert - Shanda Lear
Literary Critics - Ernest & Julio Hemingway
Loan Officer - I.O. Silver
Local News Reporter - Phil Mataleven
Locksmith -- Ernest & Eustace Nailfile
Long-Distance Truck Driver - Etienne Wheeler
Loss Prevention Associate - Natasha D'Merchandise
Lost Luggage Tracker - Lester Carey
Lottery Ticket Coordinator - Jason Rainbows
Lug Nut Specialist - Tad Tolouse
Luxury Accomodations Provider - Tony Diggs
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Manager of Automotive Accessories - Francis Ford Cupholda
Manager of Car TalkCapital Depreciation Fund - Les Ismore
Manager of Cartalk.Com - Cy Burnett
Manager, Car Talk Listeners Rebate Program - Wendy Pigsfly
Manager, Donkey Based Video Equipment - Cameron Diaz
Manager of Employee Refrigerator - Carmen Dating
Manager of the Weekly Shrimp Buffet - Sheldon Deveigned
Marine Biologist - Frieda Wales
Marriage Counselor - Marion Haste
Martial Arts Trainer - Anita Degroin
Mechanic's Assistant - Hannah Twomey
Mohammed Ahamana Hamana - Ralph Kramden Impersonator
Montana Traffic Law Director - Hugh Jim Bissell
Mortgage Loan Consultant - Nora Lenderbee
Mother-in-Law Liason - Stella Payne Diaz
Moving Van Driver - Carrie Desofa
Museum Guide - Desdamona Lisa
Music Director - Mel F. Lewis
Musical Director - Donna E. Mobile
Musical Theater Critic from the Bombay Office - Jaswant Singh
**********************
Natural History Curator - Willie Mammoth
New-Employee Training Program - Ewell Flounder
New York-based Dispute Settlement Coordinator - Hugh Talkinamee
Nomadic Studies - Roman Hunt
Nutrition Consultants - Eaton Wright and Liven Good
New Truck Reviewer - Zbigniew Rigg
Night Club Manager - Don Kashane
****************
Official Football Widow - Eliza Decouch
Office Ice Cream Taster - Nora Morse
Official Spokesperson - Howie Vasive
Official Spokesperson - Lou Scannon
Ornithologist in Training - Luke A. Boyd
Our Chief Negotiator - Nicole Anne Dime
Our DNA Researcher - Gene Hackman
Overnight Bus Driver - Borden Drousy
Overseer of Florida Voting Practices - Emmanuel Recount
*********************
Parking Attendant - Rick O'Shea
Parking Garage Attendant - Ray Zador
Parole Officer - Willy Bolt
Parts Inventory Manager - Wayne Debach
Pastry Chef - Edith Tu
Paternity Suit Researcher - Oren Jewison
Pedestrian Advocate - Jay Walker
Pension Fund Manager - Dot Comstock
Periodontist - Winston Paine
Personal Hygiene Advisor from the Tokyo Office - Oh Takashawa
Personal Makeup Artist - Bud Tuggli
Personal Trainer - Jim Shortz
Philosopher - Wanda Y. Datso
Photographer- F. Stop Fitzgerald
Physical Therapist - Eustace Kane
Physics Graduate Student - Laura Vernersha
Plastic Surgeon - Fay Swift
Podcast Reviewer - Kent Stan de Noyes
Poet Laureate - Robert Defrost
Political Consultant - Mark Iavelli
PowerPoint Producer - Boris Tadeff
PR Director - Bea Esser
Practical Joke Evaluator - Odessa Goodwyn
Practical Joke Specialist - Dietrich Iznotulaff
Prayer Coach - Denise Hurt
Pre-show Caterers - Giardia Brothers
President, Car Talk Hair Club for Men - Emerson Fittibaldie (he's also a client)
President, Disgruntled Hatchback Owners Club - Ivana Trunk
Press Secretary - Don B. Zonozi
Producer's Office, Furnished by - Rick Kleiner
Proof Reader - Erin Spelling
Proprietor of Car Talk's men clothing store - Euripedes Eumenedes
Pseudonym Consultant - Norm De Plume
Public Opinion Pollster - Paul Murky of Murky Research
Puerto Vallarta Transmission Specialist - Synchro de Mayo
Public Appearances Coordinator - Ida Klein
Puzzler Tester - Otis S. Hard
******************
Race Team Driver - Andy Zoff
Rafting Guide - Euphrates Rapids
Ranch Foreman - Hyman Oldcowhand
Ratings Analysis Specialist - Rita Menweip
Recently Discovered Uncle from Warsaw - Zbigniew Payne Diaz
Receptionist - Sedona Tush
Regional Director, Atlanta - Frank Lee Scarlett
Registered Mail Manager - Kent B. Goode
Reincarnation Expert - Diana Comeback
Reluctant Film Editor - Francis Ford Cupholda
Rental Property Manager - Ulysses Up
Rental Property Manager - Condoleeza B. Broken
Repair Cost Consultant - Bill M. Moore
Repo Agent - Carmine Now
Retractable Antenna Tester - Benton Broke
Rock and Roll Historian - Bruce Wade Hughes
Rocket Scientist - Chet Propeld
Rumanian Emissions Tester - Vlad the Inhaler
Russian-American Hesitation Specialist - Anita Putin Newkarb
Russian Chauffeur - Picov Andropov
Russian Gas Station Attendant - Phillip Antopitov
Russian Intern - Igor Beaver
Russian Vacation Specialist - Ivana Veekoff
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Safari Planner - Sarah Anne Getty
Safety Officers - Mort & Fay Tality
Sales Director - Aziz Nowarranty
Sales Motivation Coach - Norman Vincent Pealeout
Satellite Radio Critic - Candace B. Sirius
Scout Leader - Lawson D. Woods
Seafood Provisioner - Howard E. Oysters
Seat Cushion Tester - Mike Easter
Seating Consultant - Rush Lumbar
Second Shift Meteorologist - Claudio Vernight
Secretary of Pain Relief - Les Aspirin
Secretary of Halogen Headlamps - Made-A-Lane Allbright
Secretary of Photographic Reproduction - Fresh Prince
Self Defense Instructor - Nina Cahones
Self Esteem Coach - Mia Culpa
Senior Accountant /Paris Office - Count De Monet
Senior Citizen Driving Instructor - Tonya Blinkeroff
Senior Ornithologist - Seymour Robbiins
Sexual Harrassment Intervention Counselor - Pat McCann
Sexual Harassment Trainer, Frankfurt Office - Hans T. Josef
Shop Foreman - Luke Bizzy
Shop Foreman II - Constance Ubervision
Short Order Cook - Burt Toast
Sidewalk Clothing Vendor - Chip Pentz
Singing Urologist - Urethra Franklin
Sleep Clinic Operator - Betty Bayh
Sleepy LaBeef Ticket - Procurer Caldwell Ahead
Solicitor of New Ideas - Obie Quiet
Soloists - Kerry Oki, Victor Yugo
Spanish Gerentologist - Senor Moment
Special Liaision to the California Energy Commission - Tanya Lightov
Speech Pathologist - Peter Aftermey
Speechwriter - Audrey Marx
Spiritual Counselor - Miss Dolly Lama
Sportsmanship Coach- Ivan Youlose
Staff Activities Coordinator - Dewey Hafta
Staff Acupuncturist - O. Howard Hertz
Staff Advisor - Judy Cyde
Staff Alpinist - Arianna Topyet
Staff Archivist - Bernadette File
Staff Author - Four-Door Dostoevski
Staff Barber - Buzz Wazleftov
Staff Bicycle Tester - Maya Certz
Staff Bikini Waxer - Harry Mouval
Staff Butler, from the Car TalkBombay Division - Mahatma Coat
Staff Bouncer - Euripedes Ibrakauface
Staff Carburetor Expert - Leslie Stahl
Staff Cardiologist - Angie O'Plasty
Staff Cat Feeder - Ken Opener
Staff Caterer - Edith Ann Weepe
Staff Chaperone - Theresa Crowd
Staff Chaplain - Neil Down
Staff Child Seat Tester - Drew Lee Weiner
Staff Chiropractor - Winston Paine
Staff Composers - Gustav Muffler, Bela Cartok
Staff Cooks - Al Dente, Sal Monella
Staff Copy Editor - Adeline Moore
Staff Dermatologist - Ivan Offalitch
Staff Dietician - Norma Lee Chowen
Staff Disciplinarian - Les Stern
Staff Disciplinarian II- Tara Neuwon
Staff Disciplinarian III - Juan Demerritt
Staff Dramatist - Anton Chokeov
Staff Fact Checker - Neera Nuff
Staff Forger - Vera Similitude
Staff Gastroenterologist - Dr. Louis Stuhls
Staff Geneticist - Dr. Jean Poole
Staff Geographer - Lorraine, Alsace
Staff Gigolo - Spencer Cash
Staff Gossip Columnist- Bud Inski
Staff Grief Counselor - Ariel Bummerman
Staff Groper - Manny Rumsfeldt
Staff Historian- Marsha Time
Staff Intern - Lois Rung
Staff Intuitionist - Ivan Inkling
Staff Kitchen Designer - Joaquin Freezer
Staff Kleptomaniac - Heidi Silver
Staff Martini Mixer - Oliver Twist
Staff Mediator - Sue First
Staff Meteorologist - Gail Storm
Staff Meteorologist from New Delhi - Luke Audavindo
Staff Meteorologist from the Seattle Office - Wayne Goaway
Staff Morticians - Barry L. PlotzSven Didigo
Staff Nutritionist - Arlene Menu
Staff Oral Historian- Studds Tercel
Staff Ornithologist, McMurdo Office - Marcia De Penguins
Staff Orthopedist - Denise Hoyt
Staff Physicist - Moe Mentum
Staff Promotions Director - Anita Buttkiss
Staff Psychologist - Les Moody
Staff Reporters - Walter Windshield, Walter Crankcase
Staff Sommelier - Avery Goodyear
Staff Snowplow Driver - Frasier Tushov
Staff Supervisor - Mike Romanage
Staff Temporary Housing Specialist - Condo Leaser Rice
Staff Urologist - Willa Catheter
Staff Urologist II- Pete Shedille
Standard Time Keeper - Hans Auerbach
Station Identification Coordinator - Avery Haffenauer
Statistician - Marge Innovera
Studio Repair Technician - Sloan Cranky
Summer Intern - Gladys Overnow
Suppliers of Insurance toDewey, Cheetham and Howe - C.F.I. Care
Surf Reporter - Cal Abunga
Surgeon General - C. Everett Koop DeVille
Swedish Attorney - Bjorn Liar
Swedish Pessimist - Gunnar D. Daysr
Swimwear Designer - C. Bigby Heinz
Swing Dance Consultant - Antonia Band-Era
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Table Saw Operator - Les Digits
Tactiturn Poet - Kurt Rhymer
Tailor - Euripedes Imenedes
Tax Consultant - Lou Pole
Teenage Daughter - Sasha Royal Payne Dias
Teenage Valet - Lao Tse Parker
Telephone Complaint Taker - Opal Lease
Telephone Solicitation Response Specialist - Teresa Noboddihoum
Termite Inspector - Luke Underwood
Timing Director - Benjamin Not-Yet-You-Yahoo!
Tom's Beard Cleaner - Emile Initself
Tommy's Front Yard Designer - Roxanne Debris
Tom's Personal Dating Coach - Edna Bagg
Tom's Personal Hygiene Coach - Haseen Benisi
Tom's Personal Matchmaker - Robin D'Craydell
Toto Payne Diaz - Little Dog of Payne-Diaz family
Tour Leader - Terry Incognito
Town Car Rear Seat Passenger - Ralph Oliver
Town Criers - Nina Clark and Alice Well
Traffic Reporter - U.B. Crawlin
Transcriber - Diana Boredom
Transgender Studies Expert -Ben Her
Transportation Coordinator - Rick Shaw
Travel Agent - Lois Faire
Travel Agent, Bombay Office - Vishnu Verhere
Travel Coordinator - Althea Around
Two Year Old - Ariel Payne Diaz
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Undergarment Inspector - I.C. London
Urgent Response Coordinator - Candace Waite
Used Car Salesman - Alexis Itznot
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Vehicle Preservation Specialist - Cosmo Lean
Videographer, Tel Aviv Office - Schlomo Replay
Visually Impaired Parking Lot Attendant -Dale Neverknow
********************
Wardrobe Advisor - Luke Howard Fitzhugh
Wardrobe Assistant - Joaquin Closet
Wardrobe Consultant - Natalie Attired
Weekend Excursion Planner - Deepak Tumuch
Wine Snob - Noah Merle Low
Windsurfing Instructor - Eileen Windy
Wine Taster from the Abu Dhabi Office - Hassen Ben Sober